Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)


inb4 Inscrutable posts a peom on the forums :stuck_out_tongue: – Tzk


Fail-safe feline redirection
The rare talent of cat herding
Inimical to common perception
Can be more than wishful wording

This very message can show you how:
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow!



Wear the armour of dharma and never fear karma – some portly dude

Layers of Layers

Hidden in a tiny house
inside a little shed
within a modest barn
enclosed in a keep
at the heart of a castle
in the centre of a city
surrounded by wilderness

Lies a tiny box
within a little bag
buried in a rucksack
stuffed into a chest
hidden in a cupboard
behind a hidden door
below a false stairway

The note inside says


it should be stackoverflowerror, cause recursion and stuff.


o happy FLARD channel rejoice

Is Not

FLARD is not safe FLARD is virulent
FLARD is not wise FLARD is random
FLARD has no meaning FLARD is redolent
FLARD is not sane FLARD is freedom
FLARD is not here FLARD is there
FLARD is not hers FLARD is not his
FLARD is impassive FLARD does not care
FLARD is not FLARD oh wait it is


If everything worked as expected, people would never discover anything new

Something Happened

For want of a Token, the Forum was broken
As the web-tech-rats scurry to repair
Maybe it’s chokin’ on whatever they’re smokin’
In the government office up the stair


Prithee, do join the poriferan circle and raise a toast to her squishiness!

Sponge: The Epic - Part 47.202

Code-warriors advance on their goal
Finding the fonts of frustration
Shaking the tree to see what will fall
Breaking and remaking teleportation

Battles with threads go 'til morning
Coffee dwindles as repositories inflame
If it breaks there’s an elegant warning
So those still awake know who to blame

Fixing glitches and priming the timing
Playing code whack-a-mole now and then
Ever upward the hill they’re climbing
Over the rise rears the head of 1.10


Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,
and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day – PBlock96

Transcendental Sponge

Let’s assume that SpongeAPI’s range
Is the product of unpredictable change
An indefinite army of spongineers their genesis

We informally define as a result
The probability that Sponge will halt
This chance may be called Spongie’s Nemesis

This real number (though not irrefutable)
Is Transcendental and thus not computable
We have no means to even guess the numbering

A form of Chaitin’s Constant employed
Weird transcendent creatures fill the void
Outside the computable realm we work within


Is 403 an auspicious number?

The Dance of SOS XI

Prepare your pants
for the vigorous dance
we all call SOS

Sponge is revealed
with nothing concealed
not even a flimsy dress


The Steganographer General has certified this message

Sponge: The Epic - Part 48.960

Approaching the latest Minecraft at last
Choking up Twitch with the chatter
Eleven States of Sponge have now passed
Far more than conventional matter

This roaming road of development
May sometimes seem steep or bumpy
If stuck you can always sleep on it
Although it might be a little lumpy


“This is definitely fact and not just bollocks that I made up” – Mumfrey

The Herobrine Conspiracy

Lurking within the code unseen
Like some long-forgotten dream
Woven deftly into the theme
Herobrine remains

Built from JVM byte waste
Loaded into the buffer space
A steganographic interface
Like spare brains

Leveraging memory management
Their patterns are subtly bent
Unloaded class fragments are sent
To build new code

Files in shaded permgen space
Assemble in-game and activate
Via buffer overflow they create
Making classes load

Obfuscation hides his persistence
Mods disrupt his fragile existence
Re-Moved, not Removed, the difference
Concealed in shadows


“Pole Fire” is a very satisfactory explanation for a power outage.

Fleeting Q+NA

I came I saw I queried
Just to follow the form
Context will be buried
The conversation norm

The real reason I am here
Is to deploy the art of wit
Then rapidly disappear
Why wait when you can Quit


Welcome to the Forest of DO NOT READ THIS SIGN

Debug Mantra #88

Is it really an
Emergent Behaviour
If it self-destructs?


“Using java is basically using a nuclear-powered Yamato cannon to crack a nut” – Mumfrey

Ubiquitous and Inescapable

The FLARD has seeped in deep
They cannot wring it out
Inoculated and let to steep
Sponge’s secret grout

Making the impossible work
Defying logic and sense
In-between the seams it’ll lurk
FLARD balanced on the fence

If SpongeAPI were perfect
It’d spontaneously rearrange
Dead code may even resurrect
The spirit of FLARD is change


We’re off to see the Wizard, the wonderful Wizard of [unsupported application]

Sponge: The Epic - Part 48.657

Shoes wearing thin, fingers gnarled
Pulling against the buggy undertow
Struggling to set the rigging unsnarled
The campaign to hoist banner 5.0

Inveigled by various aliases unkind
They take on the dreaded Sponge Witch
This fearsome battle will - oh, never mind
As you were, it’s only the sponge which


Double density lifestyle: live life two days at a time

Villager Exodus

There’s trouble in the rubble
For the rabble have a shovel
The insurrection detectable
By the jeering in the cheering

Refusing to remain contained
Insistently expanding range
Desiring to become estranged
From the safe ground of the town

Disappearing into the black
Each wanders a different track
I expect they’ll soon come back
Drooling, moaning and groaning


If “Actually Real” is a valid category, so is “Preposterously Real”

Discuss Discourse on Discord

The editors lounge collects slack
From the too-many issues to track
Some may say eh?
The regulars meh
Nonetheless they keep coming back


Inscrutable’s true identity is revealed;
“he” is actually just a room full of monkeys with typewriters – lukegb

Secret Identity

It could be that all programs are created
By a room full of monkeys with typewriters
Thus it may logically be anticipated
That rogue bananas may come back to bite us


Think or Thwim.

Pauses for Causes

An egg creates a chicken
That sets a counter ticking
Which triggers a hidden powder keg

Those surviving the carnage
Seek causes for the damage
Do we blame the chicken or the egg?


The meeting of Apathetics Anonymous has been cancelled due to lack of interest

Opposites Meet

What’s On-Topic for Off-Topic?
The multitudes are wondering
Will anything random do the trick
Or even mis-posted blundering?

Can Off-Topic posts even exist
In this mysterious written nether?
Poems, polemics, a shopping list
All possible subjects it will weather

Perhaps this very composition
Betrays these implicit rules
On- and Off-Topic by definition
Made just to annoy pedantic fools