Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)


Conflict of Interest: Is it safe to use FoxGuard to protect a chicken coop?

Lost in Another World

Fruition of mission
From the modders position
Warps the frame of the game
Almost beyond recognition

Traders and Raiders
Repelling waves of invaders
With contraptions and munitions
All complicated by shaders

Art imitates life
Replete with fortune and strife
We simulate the same fate
A virtual edge of a knife


Now you should realize what the phrase RTFM means. In front of your grandma, it means:
“Read the Fine Manual” – ancient wisdom from sibomots


If you’re confused by a unicode snowman
Inner workings comprehensible to no man
Bafflement is a significant omen
The problem perennial
Read the Fine Manual

When all your recipes crash and burn
Every valiant attempt it will spurn
A resource to which you should turn
For clarity when you’ll
Read the Fine Manual

Should you be unable to find assistance
In spite of your insistent persistence
We recommend you go the full distance
Hurdle the final stall
Read the Fine Manual


"We seriously need a new name for that event.
Everytime I think, hm… meat in a can." – Dockter (re. SPAM)

Sponge Parroty Amusement Montage

Here are some alternative names for a laugh
BOSS: Backroom Organisation of Sponge Staff
FUSS: Federation Unifying Spongie’s Slaves
CLOC: Collected Locutors Orating in Caves
SPING: Sponge Powered Ideas Network Gathering
SPONG: Silly People Only Nattering & Gibbering
SponC: The Spongineers Crucible
SQID: The Squeegee Indivisible
RDF: The Random Dev Factor
SQBR: The SqueezeBox Reactor
SPAQH: Secret Poriferan Assembly Quasi-Hexannial
SADISM: Sing-Along Developers Interactive Sponge Manual


and what about FLARD?


We advise that FLARD does not feature in this article. Thank You.

I am Unstackable

To keep build speed on track
I’ll use functions like //stack
Via WorldEdit’s handy select

I report a recent mishap
That has revealed a strange trap
For the unwary architect

My deeds it chose to abort.
A warning appeared, please report
Into console you must delve

Of bad news I must be the bearer
Because it always threw an error
When I tried to stack myself


“time for a random quote on the next bardic ramblings” – gabizou
at runtime, you can set it just fine, even bytecode can re-assign

Sponge: The Epic - Part 49.920

The creature has new features
With asynchronous everything
Their new battlefront reaches
To inventory implementing

Enabling horses to be queried
Expansive developments creep
Delving into legacy mystery
The containers of EntitySheep

Production is also prevailing
Upon Spongie’s signature icon
We all awaiting the unveiling
Of the sack of bling for MineCon


“What… what if Christmas really stole Christmas and framed me?” – Grinch

Peaceful Apocalypse

Sliver moon wanes behind the rain
Another peaceful evening reprieved
Lightning strikes upon the plain
Dread skeletal horsemen conceived

The four riders are not appeased
By the dismissal of all life
They pay game difficulty no heed
In their pursuit of ruin and strife


My gawd… Nice try Grinch but you are not getting out of this one :wink:


What’s the worst that could happen, everything turns into exploding spiders?

Mysterious Tunnels

The world is full of holes
The work of more than moles
In labyrinths cavernous
Lurk creatures ravenous
Who eat rocks but eschew rolls


Reminds me of The Enigma of Amigara Fault


“eh also I kind of might have introduced a bug that has thrown several hundreds of thousands of errors” – windy

Who Goes Where?

We’ll watch this space
For a familiar face
Whilst the party-goers revel

Young Spongie has grown
So let it be known
That Sponge is on the Level

Our brave team at the Con
Engaged sages and won
The development tide has turned

SpongeDevs stand beside
Minecrafters with pride
Knowing it has been well earned

SpongePowered at Minecon 2016

“I don’t know much of the sponge API, I just hang around here to look pretty” – DemonWav


Walking on the battlement
I spied an archway out of place
Laid scaffold across the space
Then with usual style and grace

I fell off again

  • A sudden meeting with the ground
  • The unpleasant crunchy sound
  • Scattered items all around

Climbing darkened mountains
Loaded horse I also take
For the ridge path we will make
Skirting around the Magma lake

I fell off again […]

Flying in a zeppelin
Mining ore or sailing a ship
Wherever there’s a chance to slip
You remember being on this trip

I fell off again […]


There’s been Revert "Revert "Revert "Revert ...""" on some repos… – kashike

The Daily Olds

The news gets old
The pages are static
Updates we’re told
Aren’t quite automatic

Fastly working slowly
Can it fix the mess?
'twas a mess originally
The answer: No and Yes


“people are always going to do stupid shit whether we like them to or not, but at least encouraging them to do stupid shit in a predictable way provides some limitation on the possible blast radius” – Mumfrey

Forge Powered

Forge can now manage Energy
After long years of debate
Squeezing in redstone synergy
For a piezoelectric state

Though tickets toil and trouble
Have brought us to this hour
Development was inevitable
Know you can’t Fight the Power.


The most important and powerful rank isn’t Admin, Overlord, or Owner.
It’s Janitor. Who else will clean up the mess after everyone’s done?

All the World’s a Stage (SOS XII)

Behind the golden stage
Frantic workers scurry
Squabbling and spiting
Fooling and fighting
To be first to discover
No buckets dampen spirits
The show must go on

Diving from the gallery
Gliding gracefully
Across the audience
Smacking suddenly
Like a windscreen bug
Sliding into the pool
Such is the price of fame

Hidden camera harried
Revealed by broadcast
Daft builders pursuit
Bring blasts from above
Yet everything smooth
The console in control
Showing sheer SpongePower


Today, let’s look through the round window.

Frantic Juggler

So many balls in the air at the moment
And I’m sure at least one is really a shoe
Until it drops we’re stuck with the present
So FLARD only knows what to do


In all this branding, we’ve neglected to give Spongie a clan Tartan… this may be for the best.

Recalcitrant Storage

Backup HDD refusing to talk
In a spare PC it made not a squawk
Then returned from this strife
The disc span back to life
It just wanted to be taken for a walk


I regard each Issue not so much as a rotting albatross, but as a friendly companion teddy bear that I can occasionally bash with a bat.

Wall of Deflagration

Safely protected inside the world region
Testing foxplugins on Sponge’s new engine
Explosions incapable of harming this space
Red torches and dynamite decorate the place

Sudden cannonades disrupt the silence
TNT flowers efflorescing with violence
An unending stream of flying munitions
Tore up outside terrain like nuclear fission

An amazing display, albeit unexpected
A delightful defence, region cannon protected
We could keep this new feature, just let it be
Although unexpected visitors might not agree


The user is invited to rearrange the words of this sentence to suit their own convenience.

The Lumber of Wisdom

The forest is hidden behind trees
Wandering like lonely lost bees
Wondering mysterious new flowers

We seek the ephemeral branches
That entwine mystical answers
Underneath their shady bowers

Seek the source by it’s roots
Through the brambles and shoots
At the end of the mire and bog

Scribed in its’ bark like a burn
Finally we may read and learn
The omniscience of the changelog


Thanks for subscribing to Latvian Turbo-Riverdance Monthly – phroa

All is Essence

They cry help once and disappear
With barely words to quote
No audience to listen here
… I’ll get my coat