Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)


Nucleus: Where Wednesday hasn’t been seen since Thursday.


When the server vanishes
And you’ve troubleshot and lost
Still lacking any answers
With all the boxes crossed

One thing you may have missed
Give the dice a final spin
Put this atop the checklist:
Error 0 - Is it plugged in?


“For the record, explosions ARE IN FACT DISABLED this time around” – foxy

Kitty Canon

the cat meets Spongie
monitors like dominoes
fall behind the scene


Somehow someone somewhere has the idea that I know what I am doing.
Rest assured this is a rather pliable interpretation of the facts.

Mo’ Munitions

In the furrows and the burrows
There lurks a fearsome beast
The rabbit of Caerbannog
Considers you a feast

You’ll make no dents in it’s defence
With pickaxe, sword or spade
Furrow’d brow for sadly thou
Lack’st a Holy Hand Grenade


A musician is a person who goes around forcing their will upon unsuspecting air molecules – Frank Zappa

Rick and Roll

There is bard named Richard
Who crafted an arcane noise
The memory clings more than FLARD
Wherever the tune deploys

Suddenly the jig is up
With that familiar sound
Never gonna give you up


The Surgeon-Generalissimo has determined that there are precisely 11 “safe” use cases for FLARD. However, State Safety and Security Priorities prevent the release of these recipes to the general public. Instead, you are permitted to enjoy the following poem.

Rabbit Reactor

Rabbits multiplying in the grass
Might seem just an innocent farce
But just one more bunny
Could be unusually funny
When the lagomorphs reach critical mass


Does the uncertainty principle imply that you must always be at least a little bit lost in either space or time?

Brain Miner 49er

Since my brain fell out my earhole
I just can’t think at all
When I want to get an answer
I bang my head against a wall

Gibber gibber natter
Mumble grumble moan
Gibber gibber blah blah blah
Mumble grumble groan


“It wasn’t that NSFW” – FerusGrim

To Mod or Not to Mod

Psychedelic rocks that grow wings
Diseases that turn all creatures blue
These are a few of the remaining things
That Vanilla Minecraft just won’t do

Exploding into clouds of bats
Dropping FLARD from flying carpets
Training ninja soldier cats
On the outsourced creative outer limits

Frying eggs, mashed potato
Storing books in shelves
Maps that can be annotated
These things the devs decline themselves


Toaster needs manual restart. Add fork.


Magic action-at-a-distance
With levers lights and pistons
Have been absorbed into the mundane
Yet the fascination lingers
With strange powers at our fingers
Invisible ways to alter the terrain

Apply an automated sequence
Making substantial changes frequent
Animating a global puppet show
This power source is unending
But the machinery needs tending
In case a vital circuit happens to blow


These thoughts taste odd.

Sponge: The Epic - Part 51.467

Sponge colony survives and thrives
Isolated on the outer rim
Their mission to enhance your lives
With an API serving every whim

Progress continues without pause
Mixins, Fixes, API features
Causes have changed just because
And creatures multiply in dark niches

Still lost inside the developers drawer
Tangled somewhere in the convoluted mess
Plans for the official release of Ore
And the mystical, magical, Sponge TOS


The quotes are optional – Grum


Cat demands update
To latest minecraft snapshot
Strictly for the birds


“Klytus, I’m bored. What plaything can you offer me today?” – Ming the Merciless

3 Way Tie

Decisions made in trinary
Add more breadth than binary
In the span of situations they can cover

Options are confusing
Sometimes most amusing
“Choose Hand: Left, Right, or Other


“It’s horrific of course, but this is mojangson” – DemonWav

Tell Me Less

Advancing your achievements
Will simply be semantics
For Get in a future tense
A paradise for pedantics

Delivering an easy way
To reward each trivial act
Interrupting every stage of play
With an arbitrary tract


“Have you tried applying FLARD?” – Yggdrasyl Labs Universal Repair Manual, p.13

Sponge: The Epic - Part 52.770

Chanting the songs of the fights
With hostile bugs of days gone by
They suffer the wrongs and wrights
Of the volatile SpongeAPI

This army drives the frontier
Toward goals of stability and growth
SpongeDev strives to deftly steer
Between poles for the utility of both


That’s an experimental String Clarinet. It’ll be electrified in the key of H#


In obligonguery unto the fastidinious
Jargodoggerel is deplovimated towhence
Bemonchelled these whimsics nonsidious
Evermost belasted by their contrarisense


Will several thousand rather insipid ones substitute for “one mighty blow”?


The next depth we plumb
In our investigative story
Is the curious conundrum
Of the player Inventory

Sixty four cubes of rocks
Brings about no stagger
Yet the same volume stocks
But a single magic dagger

Storing sand with no sack
Balancing buckets of lava
And snowballs on your back
Such is the power of Java


Discord has too much disco in it. That stuff always messes up my hair

Rhyming Riddle #1

Standing to attention
Ten thousand ready ears
In winters cold ascension
They bring us bread and beers


is this an actual riddle?


Yes. I blame that Baggins guy.


mbaxter: Don’t: Attempt world domination
Inscrutable: sigh
mbaxter: Don’t: Sigh

Rhyme Riddle #2

As the grandest building
Decays so I grow
Yet with times passing
Away I must flow


“Flying over […] strange pyramids […] evil incarnate […] soggy pocket […] was told.”
– from a book or several I once read (with apologies to TheFrogGod)

Bardic Riddle #3

Stolen from my owner
I write my tale in ink
Cast into the air
So gracefully I sink