Bardic Extrapolation (Rime of the Ancient Sponge)


In celebration of #53, present humble I composition this.

Dance of the Bugbears

Little things that piss me off
More than they ever should
Every one will be ticked off
As you know they would

Shameless boasting, posting drivel,
Repetitious questions from anon
Petulant pining, sycophantic snivel,
10,000 lines of chat while you're gone

These bugbears unite to breed every night
Making countless more to collate
Best leave the pests to savour your spite
With a potentially infinite wait


Trivia: The (Golden) Gloak is named after the half-orc god-emperor Gloak, undisputed ruler of the island of Gloak and it's surrounding Gloaks. May his royal Gloak be ever Gloak beneath the shining Gloak!

Sponge Economy

Inflation is impending
As Sponge absorbs virtual money
The API is trending
Economy devs like bees on honey

How do we exchange
The Triganic Pu for Ningi?
In what value range
Is the Gloak and the Zing?

The Flainian Pobble Bead
Simply will not do
When all you really need
Is a single Brass Razoo

Will your hedge collapse
Like the poor Altarian Dollars?
Soon we will need new apps
As Sponge Stock Market follows


Effective efflorescence of the beautiful flowers of Sponge requires fertiliser

Sponge Bait

If people like to fix broken stuff
We could put awful place-holders
Anywhere the project needs love
To encourage growth in our folders

In the soil we are planting seeds
So spongiform flowers may grow
Or thick mats of competing weeds
Good for compost, then we re-sow


Do undead developers keep their brain in a .jar?

Sponge Bait Part 2

Development prospects are buoyed
By an enthusiastic plugin crew
Not only must it fill the void
Sponge must offer something new

FLARD is literally a different matter
Probably inimical to survival
But it's unpredictable behaviour
May be the key to our revival


Sponge doesn't just expand the mind, it also works on the peripheral nervous system

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Sponge

Extra lettters may be present in this messsage,
A bonus from inclusion of FLARD
Some extra fingers may be present on your keyboard,
We caution you, do not be alarmed

This is personal growth, and secret knowledge
Know that more is always bettter
What could posssibly go wrong ever, when we
Folllow instructions to the Lettter


Of all the possible endings of this sentence, how many feature FLARD?

Trapped in a Tesseract

A world connected at the borders
Resembles the surface of a hoop
North meets South, East meets West

Reconnect them in other orders
Create a far more complex group
Join up and down as well, to test

Walk an n-dimensional torus
Traverse a multiply connected loop
Vast Hyperspatial Donuts are the best


Is there a name for that moment just after writing something, when you discover the facts changed while you were writing it?

Sponge Staff Shuffle

Purging of questionable staff titles
Coincided with sk89q re-emerging
Re-energising the Sponge-dev vitals
Delivering the docs some more purging

Thus Owexz temp-promotion was truncated
A Retirees List was added to our plan
As the newest developments were debated
A stray Dark_Arc returned to the clan

So if you're out there and wondering
How to join the odd dance of development
Reach out with brilliance or blundering
Sponge deploys absorptive envelopment


More Haiku in celebration of new achievements and challenges

Working with Wood

With only wood tools
JoeSchmo made a nether gate
From a lava pool

Now for the encore
Slay a Dragon with snowballs
Then whack a Wither


An ode to the coming Solstice

Sponge Solstice

Mountain snow is falling
Wintry Sponge is calling
The snowball is now rolling
Slowly growing in mass and moment

Spongy summer of the North
Plugins freely sprouting forth
Make hay now for all it's worth
For Solstice tributes to present


According to some schools of logic, it seems I am inarguably an Ent

Ent-cyclopedia Spongica

I'd like to be
A walking tree
In a great big walking forest
Somewhere else

I'd be an Ent
Gnarly and bent
In a great big walking forest's
Verdant dells

We'd be so happy, we could deliberate for weeks
Give or take a season as the perennials speak
We'd never rush decisions on the branches we see
Help plant a great big walking forest with me

(To the tune of "Octopuses Garden" by the Beatles)


The more complex an identifier, the less likely it is that there will be a name conflict. Thus,

Cook-out with Markup

When you tire of pokin' hocon
Sick of sql and xml
yaml parsing always broken
No more love for html

There's a new one that works well
An ultimate acronym display


To quell potential anxiety about the accidental release of Black FLARD, enjoy this calming poem

The Four of Sponges

The State of Sponge Four
Will cover all corners
There's much more in store
Young Spongie warns us

API code piles up
Relentless like snow
In this half-full cup
There'll be plenty to show


Unfortunately there will be no panel focusing on a recitation of the complete works of SpongeBard at Minecon 2015. Maybe next year ...

Booty and the Beast

Ancient Sponge-farer, ware ye of the wicked channels
Led a merry dance, then cast away for Minecon Panels

Boards a-creaking, crew still planning and scheming
Whilst the passengers carry on wishing and dreaming

When in the cove of the Con, Overlords will disembark
Then unload secret hoards from their poriferan ark

If there be treasure hidden in their boots, forsooth
Fans will loot the booty from the boots at their Booth.


The icon is dead, long live the icon!

The Head of Spongie

With stealthy tread
They took Spongie's head
But no' a trophy to put a pike on

This distinctive profile
With her Poriferan Smile
May become the final Sponge Icon


I am reliably informed that the goal of Physics is to make free energy with magnets.

Sponge- The Epic: Part 33.333

Londonium their destination
The weary code warriors travel on
Towards the place of revelation
See the Heroes of Sponge at the Con

Rub shoulders with YouTube glitterati
They will bring news of the new API
Still hungry at the after-party?
Remember, the Cake is a Lie.

With barely a thing, made of toothpaste and string
See the great crowd the Heroes will pull
This Epic will sing of the best of the bling
The Sponge Mug, always half-full.


I give MsInscrutable a ruin and it's like watching Mr Squiggle at work, she makes it into a complete new building

Rising from Ruins

Ruins are inspiring
Remnants of creations
We did not observe when whole
Crumbling facades new facets
The original plan lost in time
We can only guess in awe
What filled mysterious voids
Recreating in imagination
From the wreckage of what lay before
We build something new
As the shadows of the past
Guide us into the future


WARNING: Contains obscure reference to ancient cult Sci-Fi series Blakes-7.
Under-30's, please use your time machines or consult your local beardy-weirdy.

Ye Olde Sponge Booth

The twin mic dance
Served to enhance
Sponge's convention address
Gabizou and Gratimax
Delivered the facts
Or at least their very best guess

Loquacious Mumfrey
Hair flying free
Ever ready with detailed replies
Owexz came forward
To the end of his cord
Giving away all their supplies

Sponge's booth crew
With Me4502
And lukegb crouched by the stack
Have found what was lost
An errant DDoS
Sponge Seven, now in "The Way Back"


Sprouting from the void left by the turmoil of the past, the new city is encircled by the vast potential of the future, spanned across the dark gulf by a few vertiginous bridges.

Sponge on the Edge of Forever

Our City hangs above a crater
Wild terrain past the rim
Inspiring the would-be creator
To ready themselves and jump in

Unfolding like complex petals
Of some secret arcane flower
Like arcs in search of metals
Earthing wondrous Spongie Power


Next week's menu will be SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM mash beans bacon egg sausage SPAM SPAM SPAM and SPAM

Browser Mash and SPAM

Don't like what you are seeing?
All their words can be undone
Send your foes a-fleeing
By mashing the "refresh" button

Planning Sponge's actions
The staff of SPAM convenes
Falling into gourmet factions
Sausage, SPAM, and egg or beans


"Yes, I killed him. I killed him for data - and a value - and I didn't get the data and I didn't get the value. Pretty, isn't it?" - from commit comments by Gabizou

The Plushiness of Sponge

One day when all the ducks are in a row
The dream of Spongie plushies may realise
Unless the ducks are in Dockter's pond
Then Zidane will instead make duck pies