Sponge Encyclopedia of Programming Jokes


Too bad my PC is running windows atm...


When do you use windows (I do it as well) you don't need something like this. Windows has his own function to do this. smile - Just kiddin' Windows is sometimes a really "hard to unterstand"-OS but at least it's safer than Mac OS X (http://thehackernews.com/2015/02/vulnerable-operating-system.html) but back-to-topic.

“Knock, knock.”
“Who’s there?"
very long pause….


A wife calls her programmer husband and tells him, "While you're out, buy some milk."

He never returns home.





Now you're just copying from that nice Quora link I found you frowning C'mon, people can click on things!


Q: how many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: none, they just make darkness a standard and tell everyone “this behavior is by design”


A young Programmer and his Project Manager board a train headed through the mountains on its way to Wichita. They can find no place to sit except for two seats right across the aisle from a young woman and her grandmother. After a while, it is obvious that the young woman and the young programmer are interested in each other, because they are giving each other looks. Soon the train passes into a tunnel and it is pitch black. There is a sound of a kiss followed by the sound of a slap.

When the train emerges from the tunnel, the four sit there without saying a word. The grandmother is thinking to herself, “It was very brash for that young man to kiss my granddaughter, but I’m glad she slapped him.”

The Project manager is sitting there thinking, “I didn’t know the young tech was brave enough to kiss the girl, but I sure wish she hadn’t missed him when she slapped me!”

The young woman was sitting and thinking, “I’m glad the guy kissed me, but I wish my grandmother had not slapped him!”

The young programmer sat there with a satisfied smile on his face. He thought to himself, “Life is good. How often does a guy have the chance to kiss a beautiful girl and slap his Project manager all at the same time!”

Ref: Stack Overflow


Security by obscurity is not security. Having more reported issues in one system vs another does not mean the one with less reported issues actually has less issues. The article also didn't go very far to describe the efforts taken to shore up vulnerabilities when they were reported. Many times patches were made within hours of knowing that a problem existed and those patches were immediately sent to as many systems as possible. It's like an anecdotal opinion piece written about security by someone who doesn't understand security. Zero days exist in every massive system. Last year just happened to be the time that a lot of them surfaced.


It does offer a certain level of security though, but yes its really not real security because once that information is leaked that you were protecting it all goes downhill. Most systems from my experience are typically not vulnerable out of the box (Yes, there are exceptions) they are usually vulnerable once somebody does something stupid in a config file.


I wrote it to "provoke" a little discussion about the good old topic: "windows vs. Mac OS (vs. Linux)" because the most times the apple users are reacting like "omg apple is the best shit on the earth and no one can beat it" but I think that I missed the goal. smile But you're right man - obviously the reaction depends on the age.


Wasn't this a thread of programming jokes? If you want to start an OS war @Yonas, please start your own thread... And quite a few already exist. >.>


@cae1136 You're right. I'm sorry. - Than back to topic....

Jesus and Satan have an argument as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest with God as the judge. They set themselves before their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that the contest is over. He asks Satan to show his work. Visibly upset, Satan cries and says, “I have nothing. I lost it all when the power went out.” “Very well,” says God, “let us see if Jesus has fared any better.”
Jesus presses a key, and the screen comes to life in vivid display, the voices of an angelic choir pour forth from the speakers. Satan is astonished. He stutters, “B-b-but how?! I lost everything, yet Jesus’ program is intact! How did he do it?” God chuckles, “Everybody knows… Jesus saves.”


Its all good mate.

"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the universe trying to build bigger and better idiots. So far, the universe is winning."
- Rick Cook


Can you slow down any universe? I'm having trouble putting big, bold, and red words reading This is intended for experienced system admins, as the software is is a Beta like state(It's stable, just buggy)


The universe is clever. It is building idiots that are colorblind.


That doesn't excuse Big and Bold, also colorblindness doesn't mean you're completely blind to color. You could be just blind to colors like red and/or green as well as other colors. (I did a project on it)


The idiots are made to be colorblind to red and yellow. You won't be catching their attention anytime soon. :trollface:


I just love getting people who ask how to start a server with a giant red start button on the main page....


Oh god, I get support tickets like this every once in a while. Like it's right there. It says start.